Donald Trump today claimed credit for making the sun rise over America, following discussions with the Japanese Prime Minister.
Trump took to Twitter, saying: “Great conversation this morning with President Shihtzu Abe from Japan – land of the rising sun.
“Mr Abe agreed to allow sun to rise over USA, not divert to Vanuatu. Great success! Personal vote of confidence in me”
He continued: “Awesome power of sun’s rays will shine light and allow us to hunt for fossil fuels to burn for energy – industry of the future.”
An anonymous member of Mr Trump’s staff said: “He looked out of his window at the sunrise this morning, turned to one of his half-naked offspring and said: ‘I did that.’
“At first we thought it was a metaphor for a bright new American dawn or something, but no. He really thinks he’s done a trade deal with Japan to ensure the sun comes up over the horizon each day.
“We’re not quite sure what he’s agreed to give them in return, but the plans for one of our latest-generation nuclear warheads were sitting in the fax machine this morning.”
Mr Trump’s victory over the forces of the night was immediately hailed by his supporters on twitter.
One supporter, @NukeTibet, wrote: “Great job kicking the moon out of America sir! #MAGA”.
Another, @HatesWomen1939, posted a meme of Trump bending over, with the sun shining out of his anus and illuminating a cartoon of a racist frog.
Tokyo declined to comment on the deal, but reporters at the Japanese embassy in Washington reported a large order of saké entering the building, to the sounds of stifled giggling.