Young people investigate possibility of rejoining EU ‘when all the old bastards are dead’

People under 40, who overwhelmingly supported remaining in the EU, are today looking into the possibility of rejoining Europe ‘once all the old bastards are dead’.

Younger voters were much less likely to vote Leave, meaning they now face an isolated future they rejected, chosen for them by angry, frightened older people who won’t be around to see it.

Young person, Chantelle Wilkins (19), said: “It’s, like, totally unfair, y’know?”

“We already know what old people think about people from ethnic minorities. It’s why my boyfriend will never meet my grandma.

“Old people have given us a future we don’t want, but they’ll be long gone before Andrea Leadsom has even opened her first concentration camp.

“We’re going to have to wait ‘til the old people are all dead, then have a word with the EU to see if they’d take us back.”

Ms Wilkins added: “Honestly, it makes me wish I’d got round to actually voting. Only it was wet outside and I didn’t have the right shoes, and I wanted to watch Love Island to see who got tossed off. Tossed off the show, I mean! Hahahaha! Ha?”

Gleeful old bastard Ernest Grumbler (87) said: “This result is bloomin’ marvellous.

“I was fed up seeing all these young, happy types enjoying freedom of movement while I can’t bend down to tie my shoelaces.

“Then there’s all the foreigners, they’ve either got too many vowels in their names or not enough. It was time to do something about them.

“Now I intend to hang around a couple more years and enjoy watching everything go properly to shit, then I’ll die just before they send all my care workers back to Poland.

“I’m just happy I’ve finally got my country back. Though I’ve already put it down somewhere and can’t remember where I left it.”

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