Biblical prophecy ‘predicted rise of Leadsom’

A prophecy found in a medieval English Bible appears to have predicted the rise of Andrea Leadsom to Prime Minister.

The section, inserted in between several particularly gruesome bits of smiting reads:

“3 And lo! From obscurity shall a LEADER emerge, and her name shall be LEAD-SOME.

“4 She will be the anointed one, chosen by the aged and the homophobic from the Wells of Tunbridge to lead her people to freedom from the slavery of EUROPE.”

“5 And the WAVES shall part, and she shall lead her people across the Atlantic to a promised land of low wages, tax avoidance and Christian dogma.

“6 Oh, and foxhunting, for some reason.

“7 And there shall be slapping of foreheads and a time of great facepalming in the land.”

Bible scholars have expressed scepticism over the find. Reverend Ben Bland said: “It seems like a crock frankly.

“Even six months ago, imagine suggesting that by the end of 2016 we’d be leaving Europe, steered by the safe hands of Prime Minister Andrea Bloody Leadsom. It would have been laughable.

“And someone supposedly predicted it centuries back? I’m not having it.

“I mean, Leadsom could have her nasty, judgemental finger pointed at the nuclear button by autumn. The Good Lord’s taken his eye off the ball, frankly.”

The controversial passage goes on to talk about seven seals opening and some horsemen appearing, but it’s probably nothing to worry about.

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