Blair ‘tried everything to avoid war, except not doing a war’

Tony Blair’s former spin doctor Alastair Campbell has defended his old boss against accusations of warmongering.

Mr Campbell said: “I was one of the few people who saw the process of his making the decision close up…

“Far from seeing someone hellbent on war, I saw someone doing all he could to avoid it.”

Speaking through a spirit medium, the restless souls of a million dead Iraqis issued a response:

“We note with interest Mr Campbell’s suggestion that Mr Blair tried everything to avoid war.

“Did he at any point consider just not doing a war?

“The leaders of France, Denmark, New Zealand and Bhutan, for example, managed to avoid war by not doing a war.

“Even Germany managed to not do a war, and that’s not always a given, historically speaking.

“As his close advisor, did you ever think to say ‘We could always just not do a war, Tony’?

“What? Oh. Wooooooooo!!!”

Mr Campbell did not respond to the terrifying moans of the unavenged dead.

A source close to the former spin doctor said: “Alastair has managed to shut out the screams of dead Iraqis from his every haunted dream these last 13 years.

“He’s not about to start listening to them now.”

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