Historians row over ‘which politician is most like Caesar’

Roman experts are engaged in a fierce battle over the use of Julius Caesar for political metaphor.

Mary Weird, Professor of Really Old Stuff at Cambridge, said: “Corbyn is clearly Caesar.

“He’s been stabbed in broad daylight by all his former friends and allies, who say they’re doing it for the greater good.

“The only difference is his rivals forgot to let him conquer an empire first. He even has the initials JC.

“Presumably headline writers are waiting for Ken Livingstone to betray him too, so they can do an ‘Et tu Newtus’ headline.”

Simon Shwarma, Professor of Ages Ago at Oxford, disagrees.

“Boris is clearly Caesar, the imagery is all there. He crossed the Rubicon to oppose Cameron, he led a victorious European campaign and then was assassinated by his closest ally.

“Boris is a classicist, he’d get this stuff. And he looks like he’s partial to the odd imperial banquet and orgy too.”

Non-classicist Bob Jenkins of the Eight Bells offered a compromise: “They can’t both be Caesar, one of them’s got to be the Gauls.

“So Johnson can be Oborix – an overweight, vain egotist in stripy trousers. For some reason he’s been invincible since birth despite always doing stupid stuff.”

“Gove can be Asterprix – a twitchy short-arse who’s always sulking or looking for a fight.

“The two of them have been running around offering everyone ‘magic potion’ to make everything better, but now they’ve fallen out.

“I’m no expert, but this is exactly like that famous time in history where everyone in the little village got jealous of each other and their eyes went all green.

“Still, that magic potion they promised should turn up any day now and everything will be fine.”

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