Osborne ‘could be up to all manner of evil right now’

Political experts have warned that the Chancellor George Osborne could be using the post-Brexit chaos to get away with “some truly unspeakable shit.”

On Friday, the Chancellor quietly shelved his plan for a budget surplus by 2020, abandoning the entire basis for the last six years of punishing austerity.

When journalists barely seemed to notice, Mr Osborne announced plans to restore the country’s finances by making big businesses pay even less in corporation tax.

Political analyst Philbert Henkle fears that this will have emboldened the Chancellor.

“Everyone’s obsessed with the soap opera of Michael betraying Boris, and whether Angela will evict Jeremy.

“Everything else gets in under the radar. Who knows what horrors Osborne will try to get away with next?”

Rumours over the weekend suggested that forced labour camps have sprung up outside shattered former industrial towns, with unemployed people rounded up to work on Mr Osborne’s ‘Northern Powerhouse’.

Meanwhile, reports emerged of artists, writers and Guardian journalists being executed in an impromptu killing field in Shoreditch Park, overseen by a terrifying figure in a hi-vis jacket.

Another pundit, who did not want to be named for fear of reprisals, said: “This is just the beginning.

“If the crisis continues into winter, expect Osborne to realise his long-held dream of heating the homes of Tory pensioners by burning disabled people for fuel.

“Watch him. Fear him. Watch his hands, not his face. And never look directly into his eyes. They’re just empty holes into the bleak void that lies behind.”

Mr Osborne was contacted for comment, but did not respond. Probably because he was dislocating his jaw in an attempt to swallow a newborn baby whole.

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