Former Labour leadership candidate Angela Eagle has announced she is to join forces with Owen Smith and campaign together under the name ‘Smeagle’.
Political analyst Andrew Marragorn said: “It’s an epic tale.
“Smeagle is driven by a burning desire to retrieve the Labour leadership, which has accidentally ended up in the hands of a mild-mannered hobbit called Bilbo Corbins.
“Corbins is one of the little people – he was never supposed to wield power like this, and he doesn’t know how to control it.
At a press conference, Eagle said: “As Smeagle, we will retain two distinct voices. Owen will frolic around gaining people’s trust, being suspiciously friendly and telling everyone what they want to hear.
“I will sneak around in the darkness, doing underhand things like registering campaign websites several days before I regretfully resign on principle.”
Eagle then hissed at the four journalists who had actually turned up, before crouching on the floor, eating a fish and muttering “fifth collum, collum, collum”.
Smith and Eagle hope to unite the centre and right wings of the Labour party under the slogan “One wing to rule them all”, while protecting the leadership from both the Dark Lord Blairon and the bloodthirsty creatures of Mor-mentum.
Should Smeagle’s campaign to unseat Corbins prove unsuccessful, a concession speech is already believed to have been drafted:
“The precious! The Corbins stole it from us! Thief! Thief! We hates it forever!!!”