My Gaffe or Yours?

Apologies for slower updates recently, I’ve been working on a few other things. Here is a sketch I wrote for the BBC Radio 4 Extra show Newsjack that made the final script but was then cut from the edit. Thought I might as well post it here:

MY GAFFE OR YOURS

ANNOUNCER: An ongoing sexism row has erupted after a female barrister exposed LinkedIn comments by a senior male lawyer, who described her photo as “stunning”. The man clarified that he was, of course, talking only about the quality of the photography. Inspired by this, the BBC has commissioned a new game show in which lawyers explain away perfectly reasonable misunderstandings on social media, entitled: My Gaffe Or Yours. Here’s an exclusive clip.

GRAMS: GAME SHOW STYLE INTRO MUSIC

FEMALE HOST: Now Mr Hampton-Jones, in this round you’ll be justifying comments made to a female colleague half your age on LinkedIn. Your first comment is as follows: “Wow! You look seriously hot in that photo!”

HAMPTON-JONES: Clearly, the photo must have been taken on a warm day and the young lady was looking flushed. An entirely innocent comment.

FEMALE HOST: And the next one: “Phwoar, my tongue is hanging out here!”

HAMPTON-JONES: Another hot day, I was simply struggling to catch my breath. Nothing sinister at all.

FEMALE HOST: “I would like to have full intercourse with you.”

HAMPTON-JONES: I meant social intercourse, naturally. Dialogue, professional debate. As is appropriate between colleagues

FEMALE HOST: “I would literally abandon my wife and family for you”

HAMPTON-JONES: [BEGINNING TO STUMBLE] Well… every morning I go to work and kiss my loved ones goodbye. I was probably suggesting an early morning business meeting with my colleague, meaning I’d have to leave my family earlier than normal.

FEMALE HOST: And the next one: “Hey sweetcheeks, take a look at this!” – and there’s a picture attachment with this one, that’s the photo you can see on your screen. We’ve enlarged it for you.

HAMPTON-JONES: Errr… Clearly… sweetcheeks must refer to the young lady’s habit of eating donuts messily in the office and getting sugar on her face. And as for the…ah…photo… err…I expect I merely wanted a second opinion on whether it looked normal, and I didn’t want to bother a doctor.

FEMALE HOST: And your final one: “You are one incredible piece of crumpet”

HAMPTON-JONES: Well obviously I meant I was fantasising about covering her in butter and honey and nibbling… OH DAMN!!

FX: BUZZER SOUNDS

FEMALE HOST: Oh dear, I’m afraid you didn’t get through but – like in our uncomfortable lift ride up to the studio – you really were very, very close.

END

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